I was talking to my childhood friend, who was sharing her recent MBA journey. We caught up after a long time and ended up discussing our favourite experience from last semester – yes you guessed it right, it’s all about negotiations. She mentioned how this course has helped her learn so much about both herself and others, on a deeper, thought-provoking level. I couldn’t agree more!

We negotiate with people, almost every single day. With our bosses, our colleagues, partners, parents, siblings, shopkeepers (don’t tell me you have never bargained in your life ever) and the list goes on. How many times have you entered into a conflict situation and didn’t know how to react or felt guilty about the way you did. We all deal with negotiations and conflicts frequently and yet do not know how to do it right. So this is all about a small reflection of my journey during this course.

This course is taught through role-plays and I must say, walking in someone else’s shoes, isn’t easy. Although, it was not surprising to know, despite role-plays, how much of our personal behaviours showed up in every situation.

For simplicity, I have trimmed down my learning into three aspects :

Understanding yourself: Self-awareness isn’t a walk in the park!

During this course, I had my own self-reflection journey. There are certain situations that made me uncomfortable. My mind automatically went into the fight or flight mode in those situations. I had to challenge my assumptions. During this course, preconceived notions about myself took a backseat. Only after finding out the real reason, why I behaved or acted in a certain way, I could understand myself a little better. Conflicts made me uncomfortable. Although, there were layers to it. One of the sessions made me realize there was a childhood story behind it, that influenced my actions. And it wasn’t an easy one to identify. Only after addressing them, I could deal better with conflicts during negotiations. All I could say, I am much more aware now and still learning about myself.

This is the part where you need to do the most amount of homework before entering the negotiation room. You should be clear about your interests, and all the factors that drive you in life. What makes you uncomfortable? Why does it make you so uncomfortable? How do you react in those situations? What is your best alternative to a negotiated agreement? What is your mental and emotional state currently? If you look closely, you’ll find a pattern. Try identifying that pattern.

Understanding others: Empathy isn’t a bad thing during negotiations after all!

This is the part where you stop obsessing with yourself and truly, genuinely make an attempt to understand the other person. Pay attention. To her words. To the voice modulation. To her body language. Her hand gestures. Figure out why this person is concerned about this deal (Yes, there are reasons beyond money that could matter). Only after you know even the unspoken terms of the deal, you could maybe, figure out a deal much more beneficial for everyone that you did not expect earlier. Who doesn’t like to get more than expected?

A tip to know someone better: there are 6 basic human needs. Most of our motivation/ actions in life originates from the need to satisfy them. Figure out which ones drive them the most: Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Love and Connection, Growth or Contribution? If you don’t believe me, try out this mini-experiment: Guess 2 of the most relevant needs, from the above-mentioned list, of someone you know very well and cross-verify it with them. If you really do know them, it will all make sense.

Environmental factors: A matter of behavioural design

For a better negotiation, it isn’t limited to human psychology but goes beyond. The environment you are in plays a major role. Consider a small, closed room in office vs an open area close to nature! In which situation would you find it easier to make a better deal, especially when you are exploring the possibilities of new ideas? One of the hacks that I learned: when you are negotiating, do you sit across the table and face each other? If so, for once, try sitting beside them in a way that both of you are facing in the same direction(not against each other). How is it significant? Oh well, one arrangement suggests – you both are faced with the same challenge and looking at solving it together while the other one suggests – you are in this situation against each other. I know you’re smart enough to guess which situation applies to which seating arrangement!

The most important thing I learnt in the first few sessions which were contradictory to my understanding of negotiation: there is, most of the times, an option that both parties win. And by winning, I mean everyone leaves the room with satisfaction. That is the definition of a successful negotiation. So the idea “it is a fixed-pie and I want the largest piece” isn’t helpful while negotiating. Always walk into the room with the mindset: “I could do the best, the best for both of us.” That being said, the most unexpected learning from this class was: how to give constructive feedback. But that’s a story saved for another journal!

This was just a very condensed glimpse of my journey through these amazing sessions! There was infinite learning, and if I started in detail, it would take unlimited pages to write them all down. If at all you get a chance to take a course in this field anywhere, please do. It’s something that is not limited to your personal or professional area of expertise. It is going to be handy in every aspect of your life.

Thank you, Barbara, for one of the most thoughtful, insightful and exciting courses of my MBA journey!